Mom Fail 101

Yesterday I ran late all day long. Do you know how incredibly frustrating that is to me? It drives me crazy. The truth is, I have had almost no motivation for anything this week, and couldn’t get my bum off the couch. So, no gym, no time for errands, no time for lunch, and even then…we were still running late. I had to feed my daughter something, so we pulled into Target so I could get her a snack and at the same time lunch. We grabbed a salad and some apple slices. I managed to get a piece of chicken and an apple slice in her before we had to leave. We got to work, Zoe took the only bottle I had with me, went down for a nap, and I started to do my project for the day: data entry…which was going downhill, fast. Zoe woke up an hour early and came to sit with me in the little office I work in…and immediately started crying, which soon escalated to a scream. The only way that I could get her to stop is to put her on my lap, bounce my legs, and sing a nursery rhyme while I crane my neck to see around her and keep plucking away at the data…which, by the way, is getting horribly screwed up.

That went on, exactly like that, for 2 1/2 hours. At one point Zoe accidentally caught my jaw with a calculator, and I’m pretty sure that I refrained from yelling at her. I hope I refrained from yelling at her. There were definitely some pretty tense moments between us. I knew she was hungry, there was nothing I could do. I knew she was tired, there was nothing I could do. I knew she wanted to be out of the room, there was nothing I could do. I was finally able to straighten out the paperwork by 5:30…which was 1 hour after I was supposed to be at the gym, and the exact time that I was supposed to be home {40 minutes away} to pass Zoe off to Brad so I could go to a meeting. My nerves were shot to hell. I got in the car and cried…which, you guessed it, so did Zoe. Remember…by now, it’s dinnertime…she’s had an apple slice and a bottle since breakfast.

The worst part of the whole experience was that I knew that it was my fault. I wasn’t prepared. The snack I bought didn’t work. I had no more bottles. She wouldn’t take the toys I brought, her sippy cup or her pacifier. In fact, she threw them away when I tried to give them to her.

It gets even better. Today I made the same mistake. We were in Publix and when there’s samples I always get some for her. It was lunchtime, and the sample was fruit salad and chicken fried rice…yum! The only problem? I was holding Zoe in one hand, and a Diet Coke, a different bag of dried fruit, my wallet and keys in the other…oh, and balancing the sample on top of that. {Sidenote: When we got to the register I got there at the same exact time as another lady did. She was by herself, all her goods in a basket, and she totally cut me off to get in front of me…are you freaking kidding me????}. Anyways, Zoe saw the food, but couldn’t get to it…and…cue the screaming, and then the dull crying. I totally get it. It was 12, she hadn’t had anything since her yogurt this morning at 8 for breakfast. But, my nerves don’t understand logic. And, my nerves are still shot to hell…and we still had to get where we were going before she could eat anything.

What am I trying to say? I have no idea. But, probably that the last two days have been filled with “mom fails” in the food department, my nerves are shot, and I’m just over it. I’m totally over it. I’ve got to get my head in the game. Sorry if this sounds like a pity party…it’s not intended to be. It’s just reality. I’m not good in the food department. Now that Zoe is entirely on table foods, she eats what I eat, and that’s not working. I was a college-ish student for 8 years…I developed those eating habits…and they dug down into my psyche. For instance, yesterday I had oatmeal in the morning, that salad at 12:30, a handful of carrots at 6:30, and then popcorn at 10 because that’s when I realized I hadn’t eaten dinner and needed to put something in my stomach. Can you imagine a one year old eating like that? No wonder she screamed her bloody head off yesterday.

So, this weekend Brad and I are going to have a pow wow, because he’s good at this planning stuff…and I’m just, not. I’m going to get my head in the game. Once again, for the millionth time this year, and a pebble in the sea of motherhood, I’m going to teach myself to be something that I’m not because my daughter needs me to be. Wish me luck.

Happy Friday ya’ll…

Zoe Grace – 11 months..2 weeks ago

So, I’m two weeks late on this post, and I never got around to a 10 month photo shoot. For whatever reason, I have thought about that every single day since I did Zoe’s 10 month update. I feel like I missed something that I can never get back. It’s not true, of course, I definitely have pictures of her in her 10th month of life…but I can’t shake that feeling. I suppose I’ll just have to let go of it…I’m sure this won’t be the last time I have to just let go of guilt as a mom. Anyways, on to WAY more important things.

Zoe,

My dear, sweet, little baby…you are going to be a year old in 3 weeks. Today I came home from running errands and you were sleeping. I snuck into your room while you were sleeping, picked you up and rocked you for a while. You curled into me just like you did when you were a newborn, knees tucked up underneath you, jutting out like a frog, and your hands curled up under your chin. I couldn’t stop the tears that came to my eyes. The whole month after I brought you home from the hospital you fit between my boobs and my hips…now your head was by my collarbone, and you filled up my lap. What a difference 11 months makes at this stage in life. Years down the road 11 months won’t be significant at all…but now, at this stage, the changes are monumental.

This month we’ve seen an incredible change in your develop, you are becoming a toddler before our eyes. Every day is a race to keep up with you. There’s nothing in this house that is off limits to your curiosity, but thankfully, you’re really quite obedient. That’s not to say that you don’t ever do your own thing {read: the exact opposite of what we’ve asked}, but at least you do it with the cutest little mischievous smile on your face. Honestly, at this stage, I really love watching your curiosity at work. I love that you know what you want, and you go get it. I hope you always have that quality. You learned how to share this month. You’ve probably been sharing for a while, but you really perfected it this month. Your favorite thing to share? Your pacifier. And you’re not satisfied unless it’s in my mouth. I’ve watched you learn how to share with strangers too. When we go to the gym, you carry my keys inside, we walk right up to the counter and you hand my keys to the receptionist. I would be concerned, except you watched me do it for a few weeks before you took over that routine.

The other day we had our first real toddler moment. I was on the phone {therefore occupied} and you found the wipes. your eyes sparked with joy as you realized there was nobody to stop you from taking them out one.by.one, you snuck a peek at me, I didn’t stop you and then you continued with a frenzied energy. You made it your goal to get every single wipe out of the package, balled up in your hands, and then you threw them up in the air. Honestly, even if I hadn’t been on the phone I wouldn’t have stopped you. You were having entirely too much fun, and the wipes only cost $1.79…it wouldn’t have been worth it.

After that “project” you helped yourself into the kitchen. You love the bottom drawer where we keep the cookie sheets. That entertained you for 2 seconds and then {during our picnic on the floor} you discovered that the pantry was open. You’ve never seen the inside of the pantry before. It was a whole new playground!

Five minutes later I was looking for something in the refrigerator, and what do you know…you were right there too! Surprise, surprise. But, this is our new life. It’s fun. It’s adventurous. It’s literally a complete mess. And, we both love it.

Let’s get to specifics:

– You’re weighing in at around 19lbs and really really long! You wear mostly 9-12 months, but can wear some 12 months. You still refuse to wear shoes, but when I can get them on your feet you’re in between a 3 and 4.

-You’re still crawling, and I couldn’t be happier. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times, take your time on this one…we’re not in any rush!

{Yes, that is a box of wine. Don’t judge.}

– You have said, but do not say on a regular basis, “mama”, “dadda”, “bye” and “hi”

-You talk all the time, but it’s mostly just babble, except you have the same babble for certain things..it’s becoming more specific. The other day you tried to say “Hemmi”, you try his name pretty often, and you have the inflection right but not the actual word.

{Watch the progress of the coffee filters in the next few pictures}

-While we’re talking about communication, you sign on a regular basis “all done”, “more”, “hi”, and “bye” AND you’ve made up your own sign. I have no idea what it means…but you most certainly do =)

– You’re infatuated with faces, to be more specific, noses.

– Your favorite games are: peek-a-boo {you know how to do the hand motions yourself, or you hide behind something and then pop out}, share the pacifier, crawl upstairs, remove all books from the bookshelf, dance parties, patty cake, flying like an airplane, tickle fests, and any other game you can think of. Oh, and helping mommy “type” her blogs.

– Your most favorite thing is to read. You crawl back and forth to the bookshelf all day long choosing books to read. {It’s so fun watching your favorites change} If I’m busy you read to yourself. I watched you with your peek-a-boo book {a long-time favorite} and it brought tears to my eyes. You are growing up!

– You recently started rejecting food {it’s hilarious and ridiculously cute}. You’d rather have a bottle for breakfast and lunch, so that’s what you get. If you think I’m giving you a “filler” food it’s immediately rejected, and if the temperature or seasoning of the food is even slightly off, it’s also immediately rejected. I hope this is just a stage…

{See…a master “sharer”}

-My favorite development is that you’re becoming very verbal about your opinion. I love love love learning about you every single day.

– I might have lied. My favorite favorite development is how affectionate you’re becoming. It’s completely common for you to be in the middle of the room playing with toys, stop what you’re doing, crawl over to me and give me a kiss, or even better…a hug! You learned how to hug this month. You don’t know how to do it on command, but you hug your Daddy and me all day long. We can’t get enough of you!

{And, our solution to chasing after an exceedingly mobile child…give her a bottle and snuggle on the couch}

You are the coolest girl on the face of the planet…and it’s an honor and a joy to be your mother. Now, how do you feel about turning 1? It’s quite a milestone birthday. Are you nervous? ‘Cause I am!

I love you with all my heart,
Mom