Tag Archives: beach

Kinda a little bit like Groundhog Day

So…you’re not going to believe this. But I’ve never seen the movie Groundhog Day. I know. I grew up under a rock. That’s actually true, to an extent. I also didn’t know who The Beatles were until college, and didn’t watch Star Wars til I was 24. I would fail miserably at any pop culture quiz you threw my way. But, to the best of my knowledge, my life resembles the movie Groundhog Day. Every day we wake up at 7, Brad gets Zoe, she nurses, he leaves for work, we come downstairs and play for a bit, I might turn on the Today show, Zoe eats breakfast, we watch Regis and Kelly, Zoe plays, we read a book, Zoe takes a bottle, Zoe takes a nap from 10-11/11:30-ish, we play some more, I read blogs, now it’s lunch time. {If I’m really on top of things or just bored to tears we go to Target and walk around for a while} If we go out we’re home by 1:30, if we’re in we just play, 1:45 is time for another bottle, 2 is naptime, Zoe sleeps for 2 hours and I write my blog, Zoe wakes up, we watch Ellen or the Oprah show, I do the dishes, Brad comes home, he feeds Zoe, I piddlefart around, we eat dinner, Brad does bath time, I do the last nursing, we kiss Zoe goodnight, we pray, we come downstairs, sit on the couch and watch tv for the next 2-3 hours until bedtime, we go to bed and talk, fall asleep, wake up at 7, Brad gets Zoe, I nurse her, he goes to work, we come downstairs….

Kinda a little bit like Groundhog Day….except for in real life. My life.

I know it comes with the territory. I know that it’s a “stage”. I know that this will pass. I’m told that I’ll look back on these days with fondness. I’m not too sure I believe that statement. I’m 100% positive that I will look back on Zoe at this age with fondness. But I’m not too sure that I could ever look back on this stage of day after day boredom and think….”wow, I just really wish that I could go back there. I wish I could be that bored again.”

Here’s the real deal. The thing that’s under the surface of all of this. I didn’t realize that this stage would use every single one of my weaknesses and very little of my strengths. I am an extrovert. On a scale of 0-100 I’m probably a solid 80/85. I didn’t rank myself in the 90’s because I do {occasionally} need some time to myself. So, I am an extrovert who for the past 10 months has lived a solitary life 40 hours a week with maybe a few hours of interruption. Another personality trait, I am not a self motivator. It’s almost like I have absolutely no motivation at all if I’m not around somebody else. I don’t clean. I forget to eat lunch. I don’t do the things on my list that I want to do. It’s frustrating, but it’s a personality trait I’ve always had. I am a people person to my core. What else? I don’t do well with monotony. Do you know how much monotony drives me crazy? Let’s DO something! Let’s shake things up a bit! I thrive on spontaneity….in doses. {I’m probably like a 75 on the spontaneity scale} Guess what this stage brings? Guess…just guess. Monotony. Kinda a little bit like Groundhog Day.

And, if what you’re thinking right now is, “Rebecca, it’s just a stage. This will pass!” Again, I know. I know it’s just a stage. I know that in just a little bit I’ll be chasing kids around and so tired at the end of the day that I can’t see straight. I know. I know. I know. But GOD!!!!!!!! This shit sucks. This day to day monotony is for the birds. Honestly. It is. Some people really thrive…I’m just not one of them.

So, there you have it. I’m learning. I’m learning a little bit every day. I’m aware of the struggle. It doesn’t mean that the struggle goes away…it just means that I’m aware of it. I have my Thursdays where I’m at church in the morning, and playdates in the afternoon. I have a zoo pass now. {thanks Mom and Dad!} We have the dog park. And now that it’s summer we have the pool and the beach {however, we only have 3 hours in between morning and afternoon naps, so I have to be on top of things logistically} I have my friend Courtenay who lives just around the corner and we go for walks. I’m thinking about joining a moms group. I’m trying desperately to not count down the days til Zoe is like 2 and an age when we can really DO stuff….

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The act of being present

We have this guy from England preaching at our church throughout Lent. His name is Geoff, and I love him. He’s hilarious in a weird British way, he speaks with an accent, and he delivers TRUTH. Yesterday he spoke about being “present in the moment”. It was fantastic. He talked about having balance in your life. Here’s one of the things he said, “Time management is a fallacy. You can not manage time. You can only manage your relationship with time.”

Words of wisdom. Words of truth.

Time doesn’t fly. In fact, it’s the most predictable thing I’ve ever encountered. It passes the same way. Every day. 60 seconds per minute. 60 minutes per hour. 24 hours per day. Every day. There is never more and never less. Well, with the exception of Daylight Savings…which is really just man trying to gain control of time. It will never work. The only think we can do is manage our relationship with time. Be present. Now.

I have to be honest, I was patting myself on the back when he said that. I’ve done a stellar job of being “present” in Zoe’s life. It might be because I’m literally with her 24/7, or because taking care of her is my job. But I think it’s because I’ve made a conscious effort to be mentally present, and to not “wish” her into a different stage. You know what I mean…you’ve all seen it, the moms who say, “I can’t wait until she walks” or “I can’t wait until…”

I don’t do that. Ever. I let Zoe be where she is, and I stay right there with her. Rejoicing in the moment. Taking in every moment of the stage. Filing it away in my memory and with my camera. I am confident in the fact that one day she will ________, and then fill in that blank with whatever milestone. Grow hair. Talk. Walk. Feed herself. Wipe her own tush. Right now the next milestone is crawling. Zoe doesn’t crawl. She rolls everywhere she wants to go and she is content to do that….for now. She shows absolutely no interest in crawling. She may, one day, decide that she wants to. Then again, she may not. Either way…do I care? No. Do I wish she was walking already? Certainly not. Will I cry when she does walk one day? Probably. Will I hoot and holler, take home videos, 500 pictures, and cry some more when she walks one day? Probably.  Do I wish that she was still an infant content to stay in my arms….um, no…I’m not crazy, nor am I taking mind altering drugs. I loved it while it was the appropriate stage and then I rejoiced when she moved on.

Once, when Zoe and I were driving somewhere, I found myself dreaming about when she could talk. I was picturing us driving down the road with her babbling away in the backseat. I immediately corrected myself. Zoe, at the time, was about 2 months old. 2 months! She was hardly babbling at the time! I’m sure that Zoe will talk…it’s honestly right around the corner, but it’s still around the corner. I’m sure that one day I will put my hands over my ears and scream, “SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs at my children. I can even picture locking myself in the bathroom, sitting there with my head in my hands while Zoe and her little brothers and sisters stand on the other side of the door, “Mommy….moooommmy, Zoe won’t let me give my hamster a bath. Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY!!!! Slade won’t stop hittine me. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.” But, that’s one day. Not today.

In all seriousness…talking is the one area that is my biggest weakness. It is incredibly frustrating to have to guess everything. I have, on occasion, said in complete and utter frustration, “What?!?!?! Tell me what you want! Please, dear God, just talk already”.  And then I correct myself. And I pray for grace and wisdom….and luck. Right now Zoe is working on talking. Her favorite word is “baba, ba ba, bababababa, ba, baa, bbbbba!, bababab, ba ba ba ba BA!” And then I say it back. And she says it again. Then I say it back. Then she changes it up to see if I’m smart enough to follow. Then I say it back. Then she does this HUGE belly laugh. Then I laugh. Then I start the round and she follows. Then she laughs. One day, probably in the near future, she’s going to change that “baba” up with “momma” and “dada”. And I’m going to rejoice. And I’m going to cry. But, like I said…that’s in the near future…it’s not today. Today, we’re doing rounds of “bababa” and crying for absolutely no reason….which means I’m playing the guessing game. And I’m cherishing the time I have left in this stage.

Here’s some snapshots from our weekend…we loved every bit of it….

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nancy and mike

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And just because I need to see this after I see that picture from Hemmi…

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So, what about you? Do you find yourself wishing for something in the future? Or living in the past? What is your relationship with time like?