Parenting is all about catching up, Part 2

The other night I had to apologize to Brad. I’ve been kinda moody when he gets home in the evenings, and no matter what my day might have looked like with Zoe, that’s not fair to him. But, honestly? By 5pm when he gets home, if he gets out on time, I’m typically exhausted. Actually, exhausted probably isn’t the right word. My nerves are raw, my patience is thin, and I would be pretty OK if I didn’t have to parent Zoe for the rest of the evening. If Brad just did it all. In fact, I’m darn near willing to have a hot dinner waiting for him on the table and the house cleaned from top to bottom if that means that I can check out. Except for, the truth is, that I don’t have dinner ready for him, the house isn’t clean {unless I go out somewhere and he cleans it from top to bottom like he did last week} and I still am “checking out”. Honestly? I’ve just heard one too many tantrums that day and I just can’t be bothered to hear another one.

{Zoe “helping” with favors for my sister’s wedding, wearing a piece of fabric from the bridesmaids dresses}
helping with favors

That’s not right, it’s not fair, and it is certainly not OK.

My husband shouldn’t have to wonder what he’s walking into when he comes home from work. It shouldn’t feel like playing Russian Roulette…you know? Am I going to be greeted by happy Rebecca? Sexy Rebecca? Compassionate Rebecca? Checked out Rebecca? Pissed off Rebecca? Or even worse, Yelling at animals and inanimate objects Rebecca? Will there be fresh pumpkin muffins or will the house be a disaster? {Granted if he come home on occasion and I’m pissed off at the world, well…that’s life. And PMS…}

The saying is true, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”.

{Zoe helping herself to a favor}
helping herself to a favor

Momma hasn’t been too happy lately.

Truthfully, it’s all I can do to stay in the game right now, much less, worry about the game that I’m playing. Does that make sense? But how I’m playing the game is just as important, if not more important that playing the game itself. Brad and I had a heart to heart last night before we went to sleep. He’d said something the other night, and it was a brutally honest description of how I’ve been treating him lately. It was weird, when the conversation took place I’d come up to bed after him, so he was in that “just fell asleep and now I’m being woken up” delirious state. The statement was much more honest than he normally is. {He normally makes excuse after excuse for my bad behavior, or just tells me that he loves me and everything is going to be OK, or he just tells me that I’m making too big a deal out of it}. And, on top of it all, I didn’t get offended at all by his statement…because I knew it was true. I just thought about it for 48 hours, and then went to him to apologize.

{Dang…She’s ugly}

Honestly, I’m not that nervous about it. Nor am I too caught up in it. The beauty of assessing where you are on a regular basis, is that you can make quick adjustments before behaviors become habits. One of the hardest things about Parenthood is keeping your marriage strong. Parenthood is so all consuming…it can suck the life right out of you. It has, at times, sucked the life right out of me…and I’m only in my second year! I only have 1 kid!!!!! It only gets harder!!!!!! But, the beauty is in trusting God. Knowing that when you keep the main thing the main thing…you’ll do ok. Knowing that there’s got to be balance in everything…and knowing how to get there, and how to get back there when your life goes off kilter. I sound like I know what I’m talking about. I assure you, I don’t. I just know what’s normal for Brad and I, what our relationship looks like at our best times, and I’m determined to not get too far from that.

I want to be 75 and still madly in love with the man I married when I was 27.

I don’t want to just survive.

I don’t want to treat the person I love the most in this world the worst.

Zoe reading with Brad

So…there’s a lot of praying going on, there’s a lot of concentration on my mood, there’s a little bit of cleaning so that Brad doesn’t feel the need to when he gets home, and there’s a lot of reading books on marriage in the midst of parenting {which I’ll talk about later}, there’s a lot of talking:communicating:laughing:calling:spending time together going on in our marriage…because it needs it. Because I need it. Because more than anything, I want to be a great wife.


5 responses to “Parenting is all about catching up, Part 2

  1. great blog!

  2. I totally feel you on this. Good for you for keeping your marriage #1. I can’t wait to hear about what you’re reading!

  3. I am right there with you. I think for me, I have hit the mommy wall. Like right after I had AM there was the physical recovery for me and then what in the heck just happened and what do we do with this new little one. Then we got that figured out, then we got the whole foods thing, now I am back at work, but have a toddler with daily meltdowns and I need my lauren time. Comer and I have had lots of um heated discussions about this lately and I am taking up a few new hobbies to try to make me feel like a person again. I love love love being home with AM and wouldnt trade it for the world, but I also need to learn how to love my husband and love myself as I become who I am as a mom. Does any of this make sense??? ha!

  4. absolutely adore that last picture of daddy and daughter!

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