A post, and some honeymoon pictures

{2 years ago Brad and I were having the time of our lives on our honeymoon. Today’s pictures are from that week.}
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Before I got married I had no clue what it meant. I mean, I knew that you get to do the hibbity dibbity, that you live with the same guy for the rest of your life, that you have a {hopefully} built in best friend for the rest of your life, and that it was going to be hard work but it would be worth it. I had no idea what that “work” would look like. I had no idea what living life with a guy meant. I had no clue…I just knew that we would figure it out, and that I had to marry Brad. And, let’s be honest, I was really just interested in the hibbity dibbity.

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I heard, somewhere, that your husband will never be your best girlfriend. That, yes, he can most definitely be your best friend, but he will never be a girlfriend…and don’t try to make him one. Well, that’s great. But, what they don’t say is that guys sometimes stink at conversations, especially those conversations where a girl needs a sounding board….and not a wall. I’m wrong. I know I’m wrong. I heard that before I got married too. I just wasn’t ready for it. I heard that guys are different. I heard that they see a problem and they just try to fix it. I heard that sometimes they just don’t know what to say, so they say nothing. I heard that it would be frustrating….I had no idea how frustrating it would be.

{Yosemite National Park…one of my dreams come true}
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{If you look close, you’ll see that I’m wearing a jacket because it’s cold…and flip flops}
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Last night I was driving home and I called Brad to let him know I was on my way. He knew by the tone in my voice I wasn’t ok. He asked me to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it because I knew that I wouldn’t get the response that I needed. But, he asked, and I had to give him a fair shot…right? So, I unloaded….everything. Every emotion that I will never be able to talk about or express to anybody else except for my husband, I talked about. I was yelling, I was cussing, I was crying….I was a hot mess. And do you know what I got in response?

**crickets**

Oh Lord have mercy, if that didn’t send me over the edge. I had to get off the phone before I started yelling at him. I wanted him to defend me. I wanted him to validate what I was going through. I wanted him to say something. And I got crickets. I spent the rest of the drive home fuming, using precious energy that should have been directed at the situation and instead was directed at my husband. The truth? I was looking for a fight. There’s probably nothing that Brad could’ve said that would’ve satisfied me on the phone. Any little mistake that he made on his end would have been cause for me to pick a fight. And the way my emotions were rolling, screw the mountain, I was about to make that molehill into World War III. I bet nobody told Brad that would come with marriage…. 😉

{Checking another baseball field off Brad’s bucket list…the reason we chose San Francisco instead of Lake Tahoe}
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{I was wearing 3 layers of clothes and I was FREEZING}
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The drive was long enough that by the time I got home I knew {logically} that I was mad at Brad for something that wasn’t his fault. I knew {logically} that I was deflecting my emotions onto him. I knew {logically} that while it was true that we probably need to work on communication, and expectations in conversations, that wasn’t what I was mad about, and that it didn’t need to be addressed that night. But did I care? No. Did that stop me from being so ticked off that I couldn’t see straight? No. Did I still want a fight when I walked in the door? Yes. Would that have been fair? No.

{Napa Valley. Amazing.}
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{At the castle winery}
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So, I didn’t fight. I sat on the couch, fuming, crying, and fighting this massive fight in my brain with myself trying to talk myself out of being mad at my husband. The fun thing was that he knew the whole time what was going on. Typically, he’s clueless as to what’s going on when I’m upset about something. But this time, he knew on the phone that he wasn’t saying what I needed. I tried desperately to not take my anger out on him. I tried desperately to get back to neutral. He tried desperately to help me get there. I told him I wasn’t “really really” mad at him, that I was just looking for a fight. He told me he knew that. I told him that I wanted to call him back on the drive home and just let loose. He told me he knew that and that’s why he turned his phone off. I asked if he really did that. He said he turned the ringer down. I laughed. He told me that he was afraid I would go “all praying mantis” on him. I laughed. He told me that he’d heard that sometimes wives need a sounding board. I told him that was true, but that he was a wall. Then I apologized. Then I apologized again. Then I wasn’t mad anymore and could go to sleep. Then he told me that he loved me. Then I apologized again.

{Ghiradelli Square = the biggest waste of time, and a hike up a really big hill}
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This morning he sent me a text that said that he was crazy about me.

{One of my favorite pictures of him}
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{His favorite picture of me. We were at a VERY nice restaurant at the pier, I was wearing a little black dress, and I was about to dig in a delicious crab}
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I love that man so much. He is more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined….and that’s another thing that I didn’t know before I got married. I didn’t know how amazing it would be. I didn’t have a clue what it would feel like to be loved so selflessly by somebody who sees every part of me, and loves me sometimes despite myself. I didn’t know what it would feel like to be forgiven of all my flaws before I even ask for forgiveness. It’s amazing.

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8 responses to “A post, and some honeymoon pictures

  1. I love this post. It’s so true and I find myself deflecting onto Jon all the time…and then saying, UGH I don’t even know why I’m mad at YOU. I’m just upset. Thank god he understands, knows me, and is so laid back that he actually lets it go.

  2. Congratulations on your anniversary! It’s so encouraging to read posts like this – such a refreshing change from so much other stuff you hear about marriage. It gives me hope as a young single woman!

    • marriage is amazing! It’s totally worth it when it comes around….way different than anything I ever expected…but so much better than I could’ve imagined.

  3. I love that you both trust each other so much. This is such a real and honest view of what marriage can be like sometimes, and it’s presented in a light that really brings it the honor it deserves. Thanks for sharing! You are a blessed couple, and Zoe is a lucky little lady 🙂 Happy anniversary!

  4. Looking at all your pictures, what keeps coming to mind is our shopping trip to Kohl’s to get your honeymoon wardrobe. That was a fun shopping trip 🙂

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