Meet My Friend Lauren

I’ve written 5 introductions for Lauren, and I’ve deleted them all. The reason? Because nothing I say remotely compares to how excited I am that she’s guest-blogging over here today. Lauren was one of my first “I don’t know this person in real life” readers on this blog, and through blogging we’ve officially become friends. {We’re even Facebook friends…so you KNOW that’s official!} The moment I knew that I wanted guest bloggers this week, I knew that I wanted Lauren. You’ll know why by the time you finish this post. I hope you get as much enjoyment from this post as I did. And then, go check out her site!

Can I start out by saying that I am so dadgum excited to be on Rebecca’s blog. Like I can hardly contain myself excited. In all honesty, I am a bit intimidated I am not half as witty as she or half as cool and I am hoping that by merely rubbing keyboards in blog land that some of her diva-ness will land on me. You think?? Perhaps?

So, as I have been thinking of what to write about, I went through the roll of normal stuff I could tell yall. Hmm, should I discuss my cute kid who is 6 weeks younger than Zoe? Or should I talk about my dog or my husband cause they are awesome? Or my faith or the fat I am trying to drop? Or the fact that my house is a wreck and this week I don’t care or better yet – maybe I should write about football season and the fact that I am NOT a Florida fan {sorry Brad!} but a BAMA fan?! …just kidding. I just wanted to see if Rebecca would let me post that on her blog 😉

Anyway, all of my potential topics seemed relatively normal and lame. I am a guest blogger and for that, I need something big. Something bolder and something outside of the rig-a-ma-role of daily life.

I was in deep thought when like a ton of bricks it hit me. I have yet to even post this on my blog as I can barely find the guts to tell the story but it felt right. For you, dear readers, and for you, dear Rebecca, I am going to share my most embarrassing moment EVER that occurred last week. Here goes.

Monday morning I woke up and had jury duty. I was half way excited about doing my civic duty and halfway annoyed. My babysitter was there and I arrived at the courthouse and took my seat. Roll call began and there was 100+ people in the room.

The judge was going through his spiel and said that there were a variety of things that could get you out of jury duty. The automatic outs were non refundable plane tickets, surgery, sick family members, etc. The no excuse you must serve included things such as you had shopping plans that afternoon and now would have to cancel and the grey areas included self employed people who if they weren’t working weren’t getting paid or primary caregivers.

The judge said that some of the grey areas they would not let you out of jury duty for, however if you had an “automatic out” or a “grey area” that you would like to ask about to please come forward at that time.

I waffled as to whether or not I should and finally I decided that I didn’t want to stay {or pay a sitter if I didn’t have to} and so I skirted to the back of the line. As I watched, most people talked to the judge and he sent them back to their seats. I was already embarrassed as I felt stupid standing in line when now he wasn’t letting anyone off the hook and considered going back to my seat. As I was at the front of the courtroom, I figured I was there so I would give it a go and see what he said.

My number was called and I proceeded to the front. Our conversation went like this::

Judge: What’s your inability to serve?
Me: Well, honestly, I fall into one of those grey areas and I uh, wanted to uh, ask you about it.
Judge: Okay, go ahead.
Me: Well uh, I am the primary care giver for an uh, eleven month old {and then I dropped the bomb} and uh, um, I am um, breastfeeding. I am happy to serve, but I will require breaks to um, pump, I mean, uh make bottles for my baby throughout the day.

Yes, I pulled the BF card.

By now, the two clerks, the judge, the two lawyers up front as well as my awkward, embarrassed self were stifling laughter. One of the female clerks muttered something about “you poor girl.”

The judge, as nice as could be and with a smile on his face said, “How do I put this gently. We will not make this an endurance contest for you. If you need a break to take care of your motherly duties, just raise your hand in the courtroom and I will break as soon as possible.”

UGH. Breastfeeding card fail.

The conversation with the judge went on for a few more minutes about how I was to signal him if I “needed” a break and this entire time the crew up front just continued giggling.

Now, that’s not so bad you say, right?? Its NATURAL! So what if the people were childish as you tell them how you care for your baby. Its your business, not theirs.

And yes, you are correct. That wasn’t horrible and it isn’t their business anyway. But that wasn’t the worst. The worst part about it –which I didn’t realize at the time was that the Judges microphone was on.

Yep. The mic that projects throughout the whole room. I had just aired my awkward laundry for all to hear and was completely mortified. I have no clue how much or what was heard throughout the room and quite frankly I don’t care and don’t want to know. What I do know is that I got a few strange glances from the men and a few sympathetic ones from the ladies as I made my way back to my seat.

The end of that day could not have come sooner. I was of course selected for a jury and the trial began that day. I will spare you the details, but you can take one good guess what baby business I was uh, doing on my lunch break.

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4 responses to “Meet My Friend Lauren

  1. HILARIOUS!! 😉

  2. That made me LOL Lauren! I so want to hear about his story in real life because I bet it is even funnier! Love you and good job on the guest blogger deal! Your famous!

  3. In an effort to not inform my interviewers… I pumped standing, in a subway bathroom (ew). I then proceeded to dump the bottle of milk down my suit (BEFORE the interview), and then have to wash out the pump in the sink in front of 2 homeless women who were hanging out there. And then I didn’t get the job. *doh* Breastfeeding makes for awkward moments.

  4. I TOTALLY just LOL’d and about spewed water everywhere. That was awesome. I’m with Christi….would love to hear the whole story!

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