Keeping the main thing, the main thing

I’m exactly two months in to Operation Skinny Jeans, and I must say, it’s going pretty awesome. I weighed myself today after a hellish BODYPUMP class and I’m down 16lbs. You know what that means…right? I’m only 4lbs away from 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?! I’m totally stoked. People are starting to notice. I’m starting to enjoy getting dressed again. My jeans aren’t cutting into my side anymore. I have energy, go figure. I looked in the mirror today to check my form while I was doing biceps. You know what I noticed? That my stomach curved in rather than out! I almost hooped and hollered right there in the middle of class….except, I’m pretty sure I had no energy to spare! I have biceps now, and triceps too! Soon? I’ll have collarbones again. If you ask me, collarbones are one of the sexiest features on a woman’s body. I’m just sayin’. Anyways, none of those reasons are why I’m doing this. They’re great by-products, but they’re not the reason.

I was reminded today, out of the blue, why I’m at the gym 5-10hrs a week, why I’m pushing my body til I can’t walk in a straight line, or think straight for that matter. I was reminded why I’m trying to teach myself that I like sweat. To be honest, I have no idea what brought this to my mind…other than the constant need to distract myself in this class because otherwise I would probably cry from the sheer physical torture. Anyways, in the middle of upping my weights on the tricep track, one word came to mind. Balance. The clarity in which it came was stunning.

This isn’t about fitting into a size 2, it’s to be healthy so that I can model health to my daughter. This isn’t about stressing out over every piece of food that I put into my mouth, counting calories like an accountant. No, this is about getting to a healthy {for my body} weight, that I can maintain, eat what I want in moderation and working out at a healthy rate to balance what I eat so that I can model balance in diet and exercise for my daughter. This isn’t about learning to love my body only after I’m down to my goal weight. No, this is about learning to love my body now for what it is, for what it does for me, and for what it’s done for me {like, oh…I don’t know, develop and sustain the life of another human being, give birth, and then provide the sole nutrition for a baby…you know, no big deal}. This is about loving the eyes God gave me, the laugh God gave me, the smile that stole my husband’s heart so that when my daughter is 13 and struggling with body image, I can speak from a place of life…and not death.

But, on a deeper level, it’s for even more than that. It’s for me to. Me, and me alone. Things were out of balance in my life, and they need to be balanced. It’s as easy as that. I was on the edge of a cliff, so to speak, and I had a decision to make. Was I going to lose control of myself completely? Or, was I going to honor the body that God gave me, and be an active part of my life? I don’t want to miss out on life right before me because I’m self-conscious of my body. I don’t want to shy away from my husband’s touch because I don’t see how he could find my body attractive. I don’t want any of those negative things in my life. This isn’t to say that they were totally there before, but I was on the verge.

And so? I’m 16lbs in, feeling good, loving the pattern that I’m in, loving the change that I’m seeing and feeling, and…I’m about to go eat a some ice cream {one scoop, not two and a half} because I want it, and because I worked dang hard this morning…and I’m going to again tomorrow morning. And, because that’s what balance looks like…to me.

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7 responses to “Keeping the main thing, the main thing

  1. I absolutely love this sentence: “This is about loving the eyes God gave me, the laugh God gave me, the smile that stole my husband’s heart so that when my daughter is 13 and struggling with body image, I can speak from a place of life…and not death.” It’s so, so true. If we can’t love the way God created us, how can we ever meaningfully speak life into our girls that struggle with their bodies?

    Have you gone back to only having one blog? It’s been a couple weeks since you’ve posted in Operation Skinny Jeans, and I’ve noticed that a couple of your posts here normally would have gone over there.

    • HA! you totally caught me! No, I’ve just been slacking. I meant to double post that one. It’s just been crazy busy over here….

      • I’m not convinced that your schedule the last couple weeks left any room for slacking. It’s impressive enough that you kept one blog going that whole time.

  2. Keep up the good work! Your perseverance and dedication are inspiring. Thanks for sharing with us 🙂

  3. HOLY CRAP that’s amazing. I used to be OBSESSED with bodypump.

  4. I ran across this strange article about a devise that supposedly counts the number of bites we take at a sitting. Is this really what point weight loss has come to?
    http://www.dailyrx.com/news-article/weight-loss-bite-counter-helps-avoid-obesity-14812.html
    I think I will stick with you and just keep hitting the gym and 1 scoop of ice cream when ever I choose.

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