It was a rookie mistake

One of my best friends in Michigan is getting married next month. Actually, two of my best friends in the world are getting married one week apart from each other, both in Michigan. I’m supposed to be in the second wedding. I have no idea how to get the money to go to Michigan to actually be in the wedding, and I stress out about it every single day. To the point where I I haven’t talked a whole lot about Michigan on this blog, save that I lived there for a couple years…so, I’ll tell you about it now.

Michigan is, to me, one of the most beautiful places on the earth. I went there one summer as a camp counselor to work with inner-city kids from Detroit. My dream in life was to teach in the inner city of Detroit, and to me, this was one step closer to that dream. At the time I was a junior at the University of Florida, about to start my senior year of college. Except, I never came home. That summer turned into a two year internship. And those two years changed my life, and the course of my life, forever. They were simultaneously two of the worst, and best, years of my life. During those two years I learned what true community looked like, I also learned a lot about how NOT to do community! I developed deep, deep friendships. The type of friendships that though we may only talk once a year, or not even that…there is a depth of love that will never go away, a support system that will never go away, and a bond that can not be broken. It’s good to have relationships like that in your life. I learned true authenticity at that camp, I learned the value of peace and solitude. I spent cold winters curled up under blankets with my roommates talking about God, boys, and everything in between. And, although I have a full, happy, amazing life now here in Florida, there is a piece of me that misses Michigan every day.

So, yesterday, I was looking at the first wedding invitation. It’s for my friend Jason. Jason and I share a story that defies logic. We were the only two camp counselors that signed on for the internship the summer of 2004, so we were with each other the whole 2 years. We hated each other. And by hate, I mean, we couldn’t stand to be in the same room as each other. Our personalities clashed like you wouldn’t believe. But, slowly, over that first year, we developed a respect for each other, then a fondness, and finally a deep love for each other. Jason is my brother. It’s as simple as that. I looked at his wedding invitation and I started crying. The money is just not there.

On my way home from the gym a friend from Michigan called. We were talking about some random things and I mentioned that I still didn’t know if I was going to be able to make it up there for the weddings. My friend told me that I was, actually, going to be able to make it. Somebody in Michigan, who knew our situation, anonymously bought me a plane ticket. Holy.Freakin.Crap. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I could barely form a coherent thought all the way home. I’M GOING TO MICHIGAN!

Brad was following me home, and so when we pulled into the driveway he knew something was going on. I stumbled my way through telling him everything that happened, and his face dropped. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. He asked how long I was going to be gone. A week. Actually, a little bit over a week. His face went blank. He asked if I was taking Zoe. Yes, of course I’m taking Zoe. He stopped talking completely.

Where I heard the news, immediately agreed and started making plans, Brad heard the news and immediately started freaking out. He was blind-sided. He assumed that I wasn’t going, and hadn’t given it another thought. He didn’t know that I thought about it every day. That I’d thought about driving to Michigan. {That’s a 17 hour drive by myself, with a one year old in the backseat} I looked at Brad’s face and realized my mistake.

I hadn’t cleared this with my husband. I’m taking his daughter away from him for over a week, and I never stopped to ask if he was OK with it. Not to mention, Brad and I have never been apart except for the last wedding in Michigan at the very beginning of our relationship.

I’m not single anymore, but sometimes I still act it. I accept and reject invitations without every clearing it with my husband. I believe, so strongly, in wives submitting to their husbands…but, I completely forget to! It’s not that my desire is to steamroll over Brad’s wishes in this relationship, it’s just that I don’t even stop to consider his wishes. I just assume that he’ll say “yes! Go for it!” And, truth be told, he almost never tells me “no”…but, that doesn’t mean that I’m not supposed to ask. So, next time, I need to remember to slow down, talk to my husband, give him time to get on board with the idea OR tell me not this time, and then give my response. I’m a work in progress, what can I say?

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2 responses to “It was a rookie mistake

  1. you know, i don’t think i agree with wives submitting to their husbands necessarily but i do believe that a partnership is just that. a partnership. where all decisions are made together. mu husband and i rarely ever say no but we always check with each other about everything – do you think it d be ok for me to go get a drink after work with one of our coworkers? etc It’s less so about asking for permission as it is about making sure that the other person feels included.

    • I completely agree. I think that “submission” in it’s truest form is a beautiful, wonderful thing. I think that it’s been so badly abused in our society, that it’s become a tool for manipulation and control…which is completely unbiblical. It’s easy to submit to another person’s desires when you know that they wouldn’t deny you anything =)

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