Our not so quick trip to the Dr office

I don’t know about you, but I have to practically be dying to go to the doctor. I’m not dying…but I did go to the doctor today. For the past couple weeks Jacksonville has had incredibly bad air quality due to smoke from the forest fires that we’re surrounded by. Right about the time the smoke got really bad I started having these crazy coughing spells that would totally take over my body, my esophagus would feel like it was closing, I couldn’t breathe, I would get nauseous, and I would have to drink water to relax whatever the heck was going on in my chest. After a few of these coughing spells, coupled with just general shortness of breath, and waking up a few times in the middle of the night not being able to breathe, I decided it was time to see a doctor. And, because I practically never go to see the doctor, I figured this would be a great time to talk about all the other issues going on, ’cause I’m smart like that.

Because I don’t plan ahead, and because I woke up in the middle of the night last night unable to breathe and decided I couldn’t go another day, I made my appointment for the closest to when I left the gym today, cancelled my playdate, prayed Zoe would sleep in the car during our intermission, and headed to the doctor. I sent Brad a text that I was going to the doctor and he asked if I wanted him to come and take care of Zoe. I hadn’t even thought of that. I forgot to actually answer his question and just focused on the task ahead: keep Zoe entertained at lunch time, with almost no nap, in a doctor’s office that runs late like it’s their day job. We did just fine in the waiting room, the nurse brought us in about 20 minutes after our appointment was supposed to start, held Zoe while I weighed myself {down 6lbs!}, took my blood pressure, and then temperature. Zoe was sitting in my lap and grabbed the thermometer out of my mouth. Then cried when we had to take it away from her. I asked the nurse if she could have one of those cover thingamajigs and she immediately pretended like she was getting her temperature taken too. What a dang cutiepie! The nurse ushered us into our exam room and asked when my last menstrual cycle was. I told her I couldn’t remember. She raised an eyebrow. I brushed it off because I know that I’m nursing but asked her if I could do a pregnancy test anyways…you know how I like my pregnancy tests!

Zoe and I go into the bathroom and chaos begins to ensue immediately. I put Zoe on the floor and hand her a pee cup still in its plastic wrapper. I think I was so focused on not peeing on my hand that I didn’t notice when Zoe stopped playing with her cup and came to play with mine…that I was currently peeing in. Before I even knew what was happening she was standing in between my legs reaching for my cup. I instinctively slammed my knees together which resulted in two things 1) Zoe plopping herself on the ground and crying because she couldn’t have my cup, and 2) I definitely peed on my hand. Zoe continued going after the pee cup while I finished up and because I had peed on my other hand I couldn’t stop her, so I just kept blocking with my knees. I flushed the toilet with my elbow, hopped up and hobbled to the sink with my pants around my knees because I couldn’t pick them up, because I had a cup full of pee in one hand and actual pee on the other. Zoe kept crying. I started singing {and bopping} the “Itsy Bitsy Spider”, still at the sink, still with my pants around my knees, and Zoe finally quit crying. I laughed at how completely ridiculous my life can be sometimes.

I swooped Zoe back up and we headed back into our room to wait for the doctor. There was an immediate knock on the door and Brad walked in the room, it surprised the mess out of me! Oh.my.word. Have I told you how much I love that man? He is my dragon slayer extraordinaire. I told him that I wish he’d been there just a little bit earlier because I could’ve really used him in the bathroom. He told me he was on the other side of the wall and he heard everything. He picked Zoe up and they left to get some lunch. All of a sudden the subconscious stress that I was under to entertain Zoe was gone. The doctor came in and we had a nice little chat. She’s sending me for a slew of tests {some of which I’m not too happy about but I understand} and then she recommended a dermatologist for my feet and some skin stuff. Let’s just say that July is going to be a month of appointments! God help me. Brad came back with Zoe right at the end of my time with the doctor. We spent another 30 minutes tying up a few loose ends and then we were done. All in all, an hour and a half after the appointment was supposed to start we were through. They want to see me in a month to reassess my lungs. I think next time I’m going to get a babysitter. ‘Cause I’m smart like that.

**editors note: I am not pregnant. At least not to my knowledge. I’m just psychotically paranoid that I am, which is why I asked for the pregnancy test. Because it’s free there, and it costs money at Target. I would take a pregnancy test every week if it was free.**

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10 responses to “Our not so quick trip to the Dr office

  1. yep, be smart like that. Swap with a friend, she helps you- you help her. Sure makes it more peaceful.

  2. Quite a few of the very worst hours of my life have been spent trying to entertain unhappy children in doctors’ waiting rooms. The whole system seems designed to maximize a mother’s pain.

  3. I notice you carefully left out the result of that pregnancy test…

    • So I’ve been told! Completely on accident. I was just more focused on the whole bathroom story. To my knowledge I’m not pregnant…although I’m still making them do a blood test! =) Again, not because I think I am, just because I really like seeing “negative” on those tests. =)

  4. You are hilarious Rebecca!! Dragon slayer extroardinaire….love it! 😉

  5. omg. hysterical. and yes…attempting to entertain babies while on the pot are becoming routine around here. See if Zoe will sit on your lap and spin the toilet paper wheel thing – AM LOVES it. I found this out at a doctors office where I didnt want to set her down – granted I wasnt trying to go in a cup either…

    • Did you EVER even think about stuff like this before you had a baby? It absolutely never occurred to me that I would one day balance a baby on my knees while relieving myself in a public restroom!

  6. umm congrats on not being preggers! by the way, I feel like I need to take a pg test every day. I haven’t yet. This whole nursing and feeling like I have a baby kicking all the time is driving me INSANE

    • isn’t it incredibly weird? How you can SWEAR that a baby is kicking inside you, but not be pregnant.

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