Musings from my couch

It’s been such a great weekend it’s hard to let go of it, but Monday is going to be here in 1 hour + a good night’s sleep, and there’s just no getting away from it. If there is one common element to my Sunday evenings over the past 10 months, it is that I dread losing Brad for 5 days. Mondays are the hardest day of the week solely because we miss each other so much. But, aside from that, Mondays are just another day around here. It’s routine. It’s mostly predictable. But, tonight I sit snuggling on the couch with Brad knowing that this week is going to be so different.

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I’m dusting off my old camp counselor jeans. I’ve worn this identity in various ways since I was 16 years old and this week it will be in the form of a VBS counselor. I’ll be the third grade “teacher” of sorts. Basically, I get to hang out with a bunch of third graders {or soon to be third graders} and go from class to class with them. I get to do arts and crafts, play in the recreation rotation, listen to all kinds of random stories that I’m sure the kids will tell me, learn new songs {and hand motions}, eat yummy snacks, and hang out with other parents. I plan on thoroughly enjoying myself.

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The logistical side of this week {which I didn’t start thinking about until TODAY} is that I have to be at church at 8:15am {on the dot} every morning. Church is 40ish minutes away. {Which means a crap ton of gas, and BONUS on Wednesday I have to double back for youth} So, I have to be out of the house no later than 7:40 especially if I’m stopping for Diet Coke, which is simply mandatory this week. VBS gets over at 12, which means that the kids will likely all be gone by 12:30, and I’ll get out around 12:30-ish. That puts me home somewhere around 1-ish. Lunch, a little bit of play, and then nap. Because I’m not ok at all with taking a break at this early stage from the gym for the week, I’ll be waking Zoe up at 4 on.the.dot and we’ll race to the gym. I have plans for classes Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, which leaves tomorrow and Friday up for grabs. I’m thinking I’ll hit the lap pool tomorrow and maybe just drink a margarita on Friday. After the gym on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday we have plans {bible study, dinner with in-laws, youth group}. Are you exhausted yet? Because I kinda am. When we get home in the evening I have to have the diaper bag packed for the next day, my outfit planned, blog, shower, and put Zoe to bed {in whatever order that happens}. And then talk to my husband {probably for the first time that day}.

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It’s slightly overwhelming and I’m kinda wondering why I never even thought about these logistics until today.

But, what’s taking up even more of my mindspace right now is Zoe. While I’m herding third graders from station to station Zoe will be in the nursery at church. Thank God they provide free childcare for their workers! Zoe has gone to the nursery at church during services since she was 3 weeks old, with the exception of a month long stint around 4/5 months when she just refused to go. They love her there. And this momma loves that they love her. I have zero worries during church services that she is well taken care of. I have zero concerns for this coming week. But, this will be the longest continual separation that Zoe and I have ever encountered. Not only will she be in the nursery at church, she’ll be in the daycare at the gym for 1-2 hours everyday. Holy Cow. Will we make it? And, what I really mean is, will I make it. Zoe’s going to be fine. In fact, I have no doubt that Zoe is going to love this week.

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My heart, the heart of a mother, the mother who has spent almost every.single.hour of Zoe’s life with her, wonders if they’ll know that a silly song or dance calms almost any storm. I wonder if they’ll know that she likes to feed herself, and she really likes to pick what she’s eating. I wonder if they’ll know that she likes the toys that sing so she can dance with them. And books always come before naps. Will they know that she’s learning boundaries and loves to explore, but puts EVERYTHING in her mouth? That she gets hyper sometimes and chill sometimes. That sometimes she wants to be held, and sometimes she doesn’t. Will they know that she never cries over a dirty diaper and that if you don’t see it or smell it her diaper can go for hours if you’re not careful?

Will they know that even as my mind is consumed with corralling third graders, making crafts, answering questions, bathroom breaks, and organizing chaos, my thoughts will be with my baby? Will they know that even though I keep my calm at the nursery door, or even drop her off hastily because we’re running late, that my heart is overwhelmed with missing her? Will they know that before we’ve even lived a minute of this week I sat on my couch with tears in my eyes because I’m not going to be there for every laugh, every shriek, every dance party, every book, and kissed every tear away. And that it’s not just time in the nursery that I’m missing…it’s all the in between. It’s that the rest of my week is car rides, naps, and bedtime. Will they know that as excited as I am for VBS, I just want it to be Friday already so I can snuggle and play with my Zoe as much as I want to?

Will they know? No. Because they’re not Zoe’s mom. I am. But, ready or not, Monday is just around the corner….so here we go!

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5 responses to “Musings from my couch

  1. And now I must go home and cuddle with my Zoey because everything you said is how I feel right now. Stop reading my mind!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Hopefully, everything will go smoothly for you and the weekend will be here soon. πŸ™‚

  2. i hope today went well!! and getting up at 4 am??! pure dedication! you go!

  3. Our Church has child services too during their Sunday morning service but I’ve been too chicken to leave Peanut there 😦 It’s a new Church that we just joined, plus I don’t usually leave Peanut with anyone. I really need to try this out though.

  4. I hope the week is going well–you’re almost there. And you both look gorgeous in that last photo!

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