The act of being present

We have this guy from England preaching at our church throughout Lent. His name is Geoff, and I love him. He’s hilarious in a weird British way, he speaks with an accent, and he delivers TRUTH. Yesterday he spoke about being “present in the moment”. It was fantastic. He talked about having balance in your life. Here’s one of the things he said, “Time management is a fallacy. You can not manage time. You can only manage your relationship with time.”

Words of wisdom. Words of truth.

Time doesn’t fly. In fact, it’s the most predictable thing I’ve ever encountered. It passes the same way. Every day. 60 seconds per minute. 60 minutes per hour. 24 hours per day. Every day. There is never more and never less. Well, with the exception of Daylight Savings…which is really just man trying to gain control of time. It will never work. The only think we can do is manage our relationship with time. Be present. Now.

I have to be honest, I was patting myself on the back when he said that. I’ve done a stellar job of being “present” in Zoe’s life. It might be because I’m literally with her 24/7, or because taking care of her is my job. But I think it’s because I’ve made a conscious effort to be mentally present, and to not “wish” her into a different stage. You know what I mean…you’ve all seen it, the moms who say, “I can’t wait until she walks” or “I can’t wait until…”

I don’t do that. Ever. I let Zoe be where she is, and I stay right there with her. Rejoicing in the moment. Taking in every moment of the stage. Filing it away in my memory and with my camera. I am confident in the fact that one day she will ________, and then fill in that blank with whatever milestone. Grow hair. Talk. Walk. Feed herself. Wipe her own tush. Right now the next milestone is crawling. Zoe doesn’t crawl. She rolls everywhere she wants to go and she is content to do that….for now. She shows absolutely no interest in crawling. She may, one day, decide that she wants to. Then again, she may not. Either way…do I care? No. Do I wish she was walking already? Certainly not. Will I cry when she does walk one day? Probably. Will I hoot and holler, take home videos, 500 pictures, and cry some more when she walks one day? Probably.  Do I wish that she was still an infant content to stay in my arms….um, no…I’m not crazy, nor am I taking mind altering drugs. I loved it while it was the appropriate stage and then I rejoiced when she moved on.

Once, when Zoe and I were driving somewhere, I found myself dreaming about when she could talk. I was picturing us driving down the road with her babbling away in the backseat. I immediately corrected myself. Zoe, at the time, was about 2 months old. 2 months! She was hardly babbling at the time! I’m sure that Zoe will talk…it’s honestly right around the corner, but it’s still around the corner. I’m sure that one day I will put my hands over my ears and scream, “SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs at my children. I can even picture locking myself in the bathroom, sitting there with my head in my hands while Zoe and her little brothers and sisters stand on the other side of the door, “Mommy….moooommmy, Zoe won’t let me give my hamster a bath. Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY!!!! Slade won’t stop hittine me. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.” But, that’s one day. Not today.

In all seriousness…talking is the one area that is my biggest weakness. It is incredibly frustrating to have to guess everything. I have, on occasion, said in complete and utter frustration, “What?!?!?! Tell me what you want! Please, dear God, just talk already”.  And then I correct myself. And I pray for grace and wisdom….and luck. Right now Zoe is working on talking. Her favorite word is “baba, ba ba, bababababa, ba, baa, bbbbba!, bababab, ba ba ba ba BA!” And then I say it back. And she says it again. Then I say it back. Then she changes it up to see if I’m smart enough to follow. Then I say it back. Then she does this HUGE belly laugh. Then I laugh. Then I start the round and she follows. Then she laughs. One day, probably in the near future, she’s going to change that “baba” up with “momma” and “dada”. And I’m going to rejoice. And I’m going to cry. But, like I said…that’s in the near future…it’s not today. Today, we’re doing rounds of “bababa” and crying for absolutely no reason….which means I’m playing the guessing game. And I’m cherishing the time I have left in this stage.

Here’s some snapshots from our weekend…we loved every bit of it….

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nancy and mike

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And just because I need to see this after I see that picture from Hemmi…

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So, what about you? Do you find yourself wishing for something in the future? Or living in the past? What is your relationship with time like?

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4 responses to “The act of being present

  1. I feel the same way. I love Lucas being in the exact stage he is in at the time. People always say “I bet you can’t wait wait untilhe walks”(or talks). I always say I can. Did you see him pulling up? Or whatever the new milestone is.

  2. Yirah is rolling everywhere too!! I am working on enjoying each milestone as they come – they are so much fun.

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