Mommy needs vodka

“C-c-can you c-c-come t-t-o Target?” I sobbed into the phone.

“Honey, calm down. I can’t understand you.”

I repeat myself. This time with more sobbing.

“What’s wrong?” The fear in his voice is almost tangible.

“I f-f-forgot my w-w-wallet”. The sobbing increases.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Let me back up.

Today started at 6:40 am…wait, actually it probably started somewhere in the middle of the night when I lost the ability to breathe through my nose. It looks like whatever Zoe has I’m about to get. I wake up with my sinuses filled to overflowing and my daughter crying. After I fed her the crying resumed. We went downstairs. She kept crying. Brad left for work. She kept crying. I fed her breakfast. She kept crying. I made an appointment with for her to go back to the dr…and you guessed it, she kept crying. By 9am I put her in her crib for an early nap. That did the trick. When she woke up we ran to the store to get sunscreen because we had plans to go to the beach in the afternoon and then we go to our appointment.

Where she acted, again, like she was on top of the world. The nurse gets us back into the room really quick where we wait, and wait, and wait. For 50 minutes.


Zoe screamed for about 3/4 of it. And if she wasn’t screaming it was because she was grabbing my hair {her new FAVORITE activity}. I thought about calling Brad at work and telling him that he needed to come take over. I was tapping out. But, that’s not exactly an option. So…I put on my big girl britches and waited it out. When the Dr. came in she said that Zoe still had a double ear infection. As she was talking to me Zoe started screaming again. I’m pretty sure she could see the stress on my face because from that point on we did everything in fast forward. She handed me prescriptions and I left. Almost, but not quite, in tears.

I thought about canceling our playdate…but I really, really wanted to go to the beach.I’ve been cooped up in this house for almost 2 weeks now…with very few exceptions. I haven’t learned yet that life with a baby almost never caters to what I “want”, and that my “wants” are outweighed by Zoe’s “needs”. I’m learning. Slowly but surely.

As soon as we got to our playdate she started screaming again. Holding her ear. There were breaks every now and then. I looked at V and said, “Are we crazy for doing this?” See, her daughter hadn’t had a nap, we were going to the beach at Zoe’s nap time and V wasn’t feeling great either. She replied, “I don’t know…we’ll find out!!!” We hoped for the best and headed to the beach. Zoe, surprisingly did great….for about 20 minutes. And then she was done. D-O-N-E. I told V I was just going to go home and packed Zoe into the car. Both of us covered from head to toe in sand.

Back at the house Zoe refused to take a nap because she’d slept in the car. After 20 minutes of listening to her scream I picked her up and we went downstairs. Where she cried some more.

So we’re downstairs on the couch, Zoe is crying and I realize I left my glasses at V’s house. At the beach. 20 minutes away. Zoe decides to fall asleep. I think about just leaving them there until tomorrow. But I can’t see without my glasses. I have to go get them. I question my sanity. At this point I’m about 2 seconds away from calling Brad and telling him that he needs to come home. Now. But again, I don’t. We pack everything back up, I make sure I have the prescriptions and we head back to the beach. Mercifully, Zoe sleeps the majority of the way there and then all the way back to the Towncenter. By 5 we parked at the Towncenter, at this point we’ve been going since 10am, I am mentally and emotionally drained, I grab the diaper bag, make sure I have the prescriptions, and reach for my wallet….

And that was it. That was my breaking point. Now, what you need to know about me… is that I don’t have a mask. I wish I did. God, I wish I did. But, what you see is what you get with me.  It always has been. If I’m happy…everyone in the world will know. And if I’m mad…I just try to at least not talk. If I’m about to break down sobbing…it doesn’t matter if I’m home, at my mom’s table, or in the parking lot of Target….I’m going to sob.

And sob I did. I called Brad. Scared the bejeezus out of my husband. Hung up my phone and then, because I was standing beside my car, I put my head on the roof of my car and sobbed. Then I got in my car. Then I put my head on the steering wheel. And sobbed. Then I gave myself a pep talk…”pull yourself together Tate”, checked my eyes in the mirror {briefly}, got Zoe out of the backseat and then went to fill the prescription. The poor pharmacist. I answered his questions in whispers. My eyes weren’t as clear as I thought. I randomly strolled through the aisle with tears occasionally falling from my eyes, and then I waited for Brad by the patio furniture.

And then, before I knew it, there he was…running around the corner. My saint of a husband raced to Target from work, ran through the parking lot and through the store until he found me, scooped Zoe up out of my lap and planted a kiss on my lips. I love that man. Then he asked if I needed some Peanut M&M’s…

“No”, I replied, “I need vodka”.

And that was that.


6 responses to “Mommy needs vodka

  1. Oh I hope tommorow is better!! I have had those days 😦 they are the worst!

  2. Did he get you the Vodka? I hope your little one gets better quickly.

  3. Pingback: Updates on things I’ve talked about recently « Confessions of a Reluctant Housewife

  4. Pingback: I can not believe | Confessions of a Reluctant Housewife

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