Beachbody 2011

Or something like that. I am under no false illusions that I will, at any point in my life, have a beach body. However, pregnancy did a number on my body. From what I’ve read on other blogs…some new moms got to working on that right away. In fact, one of my friends who had a baby about 3 weeks after Zoe, is about to run a half marathon. Yes, you read that right. Her daughter is 7 months old and she’s about to run a half marathon. More power to you. That’s not my cup of tea…

No, my cup of tea, or Diet Coke, has more to do with sitting on a couch, watching Biggest Loser while eating junk food. Now, that’s what I’m talking about. Can I get an amen? Anybody?

Back to pregnancy and what it does to the female body. It should be outlawed. Not only are you forced to house this person inside your body for 9 months, subject to uncontrollable vomiting, random mood swings, cravings galore, and in general complete and utter misery…and then you look in a mirror and realize your body went to hell in a handbasket. Does anybody else ever say that besides me? “Going to hell in a handbasket”? Just wondering.

You start looking in the mirror and say to yourself, “I could be a contestant on the Biggest Loser”. Like. For real. Now, during Zoe’s gestation I gained 13 lbs. For 2 reasons, 1) I puked practically everything I ate for 9 months, and 2) I never wanted to eat anything. Ever. So, I left the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight. But not my pre-pregnancy body. In fact, out of pure spite, I don’t think any part of my body is the same as it was before pregnancy. Not even my ankles. Thus began the pleading for a gym membership. Begging, really. I hate home videos {cheap option} and I hate running {free option} even more. I need people around me. I need to feel like I’m not alone in this quest to get in shape. I need to see people bigger than me…there, I said it. I also need to see people smaller than me. It’s not going to happen. We just can’t afford it. So, I figured…if this is actually as important to me as I make it out to be in my brain…then I should do that workout video I got from my friend.

Which brings us to today. Did I mention I’ve had that video for 2 weeks now? It’s been sitting by the tv since I got it. But, today I decided that I needed to get off my keister and just do it already. Ya with me? I didn’t plan it right though. Not at all. Zoe woke up early from her nap and I figured that was my OUT! Instead of doing this video thing I was going to clean! And you all know how I feel about cleaning! Wouldn’t Brad be proud. But, when you put something off like this you just keep putting it off…for like 1 1/2 years, so I knew I had to just suck it up and figure out how to do it with Zoe watching me…as if I need an audience…

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Yes, I did take that picture while the workout video was going. I needed a break. We were like 6 minutes in and I was sweating already…

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I abhor sweating. So there I am, 6 minutes in and sweating already, bouncing up and down in my living room. I always feel so silly. And so incredibly out of shape. Bouncing around shouldn’t be this exhausting. Note to self…bouncing around when you haven’t nursed in a few hours is the farthest thing from comfortable that you can think of. Well..maybe not the farthest..but you know what I’m saying. I believe at this point in the video we just finished the warm up and the power yoga and we were moving into straight up cardio…

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The dogs, by the way, also felt as if they should have front row seats to this show.

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That’s the only time during this event they were laying down. Once the jumping around got going they felt like they should dance with me. And they were promptly kicked outside. Zoe, meanwhile, was deciding that she didn’t like the idea of being a spectator and wanted to get in on the action. So I had to pick her up. And do jumping jacks. And kick boxing.

I would’ve taken a picture but I’m just not that talented. I’m sure you understand.

The video progressed and I died a slow cardio death. I remember at one point the instructor said something and I said some smart aleck thing back…as if he could hear me. Wait. That happened continuously throughout the video. And then, mercifully, it was over with. Or so I thought.

Then the ab workout began. Kill me now. I did one leg lift and I swear to you that my back cracked all the way down my spine. Literally. And again, Zoe thought she should help…how awfully kind of her. She assumed the role of physical trainer and provided resistance…pulling my hair into her mouth as I tried to do crunches. I think I heard her say, “You’ll thank me later”, but I can’t be sure.

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And then I thought Zoe ate my bobbypin and I almost had a heart attack. I found it. Thank God.

I just want you to know that I’m not going to be able to move tomorrow and you’ll probably end up reading a blog bemoaning my state as a crippled lady…which will, I’m sure, be far less painful than the pain that I’ll be experiencing.

What about you? Are you currently training for anything? Do you have a workout routine? Any suggestions? P90x doesn’t count…I consider that a form of pure, unadulterated torture.

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9 responses to “Beachbody 2011

  1. Good work Bekah! I have been trying to get motivated to workout too.. it’s difficult sometimes to really WANT to do it. But you DID IT! 🙂

  2. …died a slow cardio death…LOL! Proud of you girl! I need to take lessons before I pack on the first-year-of-marriage 15! Seriously. Anyways, I have a great “beginner” type workout video that’s not that intense. You’ll definitely feel great, sweat a little, but it’s a nice first step. The only catch…it’s VHS. 😉

    As for a free suggestion, try walking. It’s way underrated and excellent to start out. Also free. Try a mall…as long as you can keep from a shopping spree. I’m always amazing that I get sore from walking for a few hours (but not a treadmill, somewhere fun and with lots of visual stimulation) 🙂

    • I’ve done the walking at the mall bit…avenues and the town center. I’m not a huge fan…I don’t feel like I’m actually doing anything, as much as I hate it…I need to feel my muscles burn. I’ve been thinking, now that it’s warmed up…I might start walking by your place {b/c walking around my neighborhood is out of the question}, that’s a nice long stretch of road. I was talking to Brad later on in the day and I honestly kinda liked how the guy lead this video. You wanna come do it with me sometime? =)

  3. If you have Netflix, there are a bunch of CRUNCH videos that do different kinds of workouts–yoga, pilates, etc. I like them because I can change it up whenever I like, and Jacob likes to watch from his tummy or the exersaucer. As long as I keep talking to him throughout the video, he’ll let me get through it. Or, if you have a friend with a Wii, check out Just Dance 2. It’s AWESOME. Good luck!

    • Ah! That’s a great idea! We don’t have Netflix yet…but we’ve tossed around the idea of getting it a few times. We do have Dish Network though…and I think they have some workout channels. Jacob doesn’t try to pull your hair out of your head??? Lucky!!!

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