Fantasy Pain

You’ve heard about the people who lose limbs but swear that an appendage hurts, right? Like, if somebody loses their leg below their knee, they will SWEAR to you that their toes itch,, and it drives them CRAZY wanting to itch it….but they don’t have any toes.  It’s called “fantasy pains”…I think. Well, I have that…

With pregnancy.

(Disclaimer: I AM NOT PREGNANT)

Sometimes I get nauseous. Really nauseous. And I think “oh my GOD…NOOOOooooooo”

And sometimes I am SO hungry I can’t see straight and I think “OH MY GOD. NOOOooooooooooo”

The other night I was laying in bed and I could have SWORN to you that I felt a baby kick inside me.  And I thought “oh my GOD….NOOOOoooooooooooo”

It happened again on the way to church today. It’s enough to make me want to run to the nearest grocery store and buy EVERY pregnancy test they have, just to make sure that they all say “NEGATIVE”.

The day that I had Zoe I looked at Brad and said, “Aside from Zoe, do you know what the best part of today was? I’m not pregnant anymore!!!!!”. And then I ate a foot long sub, with chips and a drink. Because I could. And I heard the Hallelujah chorus in my head the whole time.

And then for weeks, and months, and even still every once in a while I look at him and say, “Hey..guess what? I’m not pregnant!!!! Thank you JESUS”

The one benefit of being pregnant…and I do mean ONE, is Zoe. For her, I would do it all over again. But, dang, pregnancy stunk. Hard core.

I’ve told Brad that he gets one more chance to spread his DNA and if I puke once, ONCE, if I so much as GAG….call the dr and make an appointment. And you know exactly what appointment I’m talking about.

I’m about to show you some pictures. Just one of me though, because I was so busy puking my brains out that I didn’t take a whole lot of pictures.


This is Zoe at 11 weeks…isn’t she cute?
zoe 11 weeks


This is me at 9 months pregnant with Zoe
9 months


3 responses to “Fantasy Pain

  1. I love your blog. It is very funny and hits close to home.

    • Thanks! I’m so glad you love it! I am absolutely loving writing! It’s waking up something inside me…I feel obsessed with it sometimes! =)

  2. Pingback: A List | A Window into My World

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