My stomach is twisted in knots. I had to send the email before I psyched myself out.
Don’t think. Just type. Hit send. You’ve talked about this. This is what you want to do. Hit send.
I just quit my job.
What the heck am I thinking….and I could find a lot stronger words than “heck” to go right there. I mean, I haven’t been willfully unemployed since I was about 15. No wait, I had a job at 15. For the past 13 years I have moved from one role to another gainfully employed….a paycheck (sometimes ever so small) came regularly every 2 weeks. And now…it is no more. I linger right on the border of “what on earth is going to happen now” and “this is the right decision, the benefits far outweigh the negative aspects” and let’s not forget God.
I learned something in my years (and by years I mean YEARS) in the abysmal time period called the “poor college years” where some days I literally made the decision between option A: lunch and dinner but no gas and option B: hold off the hunger till about 4 where I can convince my body it’s both lunch AND dinner and then put a little bit of gas in my car. Almost always my choice, out of necessity, was option B. And let’s not forget about my years as an intern when the only guaranteed income was $120 every 2 weeks…you read that right…every 2 weeks, and it was my only job. But, and that “but” should be in all capitalized letters…I never had a need. Granted, the majority of my “wants” didn’t happen….but I never had a need.
And so I learned….you can be flat broke and still at peace. And i would rather, any day of the week, walk down the path that I believe the Lord has directed me down and eat beans and rice 4 days a week…then walk down a road of my choosing and have more money than I know what to do with. I don’t underestimate the will of the Lord or the peace that comes with obedience.
I am scared, but that is my flesh, the simple fear of the unknown that most people experience. My spirit is at peace. I don’t think God cares if when we’re walking down the path that he leads us on we walk with slow, timid steps…I think he cares that we walk.
So I will take that step. I did take that step. I hit “send”…and with one foot ever so slightly in front of the other I will walk into this unknown and embrace the will of the Lord for my life, for this season. And along the way I’ll probably have to remind myself to just breathe…it’s going to be ok, it’s always ok.